Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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