You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
