so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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