Im at strip club and am horny
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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