I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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