I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
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I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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