I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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