I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
