How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Randomize
