Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
