i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
