Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
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His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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