I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
