I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
