so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
