Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
