I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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