I'm going to rape someone's good day.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
