dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
