I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
