I hate all girls vehemently.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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