he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
