8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
