So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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