whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
