I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
