is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
