what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
