cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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