no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
