Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
