Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
