If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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