I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
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Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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