what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
