get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
