I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I understand Curling. That high.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
