$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
