he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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