I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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