I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
