if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
