I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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