It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The air was thick with penises
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
