My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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