BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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