So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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