Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
