I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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