was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
