thus making me awesome and them whores
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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