If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
