cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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