I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
