I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
