Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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