i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
