I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
