Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
