I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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