I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
