Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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