also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
