i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
