You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
