You work out of a Hotel?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
