Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
