so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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