you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
