Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
