Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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