Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
