is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
