i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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