We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
