You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
