you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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